There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
