HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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