I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
