I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My dick has a subreddit
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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