I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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