...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize