so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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