Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
