there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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