i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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