You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
