Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
soo... how was my night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
