Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
