I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
