Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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