This dress was meant to end up on your floor
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
