i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
