hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
