last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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