she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
