Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
