Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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