I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
