I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
