oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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