Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.

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(571): View more from Virginia

so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.

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(971): View more from Oregon

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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(956): View more from Texas

Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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(804): View more from Virginia

is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate

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(850): View more from Florida

tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.

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(305): View more from Florida

Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.

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