i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
