just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
