then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
