I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
