shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
