I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
