she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize