Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
pray to the hookup gods
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
