k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
