please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
