She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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