Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
