I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize