In America we eat man semen.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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