Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize