Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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