Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
