I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
