the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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