i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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