he puts the penis in happiness.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize