I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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