Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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