True but thats because hes a fetus.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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