Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
