____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
