I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In America we eat man semen.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
