I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
