i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
