It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
