i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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