I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
