I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
