Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
try to milk me bitch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
