M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize