I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
