I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize