i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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