It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
