take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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