She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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