Cold hands, warm shart.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
