dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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