He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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