Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
