My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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