Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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