Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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