I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
