sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
