So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
